At 40, I feel more connected to my body, my sexuality, and my community than I ever have.

This is a not safe for work blog post, filled with sex positivity, psychedelics, nudity, and tips and tricks that I want to propagate to increase the realm of possibilities for those entering their 5th decade revolving around the sun. It will include my latest research on the clitoris.

Mobility – People who see me dance, climb, or punch now could never imagine the level of clumsiness and dissociation that I grew up with. Instead of sticking to one type of training, I keep switching it up. Novelty is key for the brain and body to keep learning and stay young. More than any type of system, I find teachers that inspire me and allow me to activate my mirror system by cultivating an empathetic connection with them. My newest passions are water dancing, where I am free from gravity and get to move in totally different ways as well as practice holding my breath, and water massage modalities, where I get to play with bodies, helping them relax, let go and increase their range of motion. If you visit the Bay Area, I can recommend Juliana, and for any acrobatic, mobility training outside of water, check out Shira Yaziv.

Psychedelics – Psychedelics have been a huge part of the healing path I’ve been on since my 30’s, letting me examine the black boxes of trauma that were stored away in my brain. My use of psychedelics has benefited from close partners’ and community support. I’ve never done psychedelics within a medical or ceremonial context. For me, psychedelics are a path inwards where only the most trusted people can join me to break down our biases and be in a childlike state again supporting our growth. Psychedelics have helped me realize the plurality in my brain and increase the synergy and harmony among 86 billion neurons that are organized in various layers of agency. My early 30’s were fueled by large doses and deep dives that helped me build mindfulness pathways, connecting me to my breath, helping me accept my death and the beauty in nature. Lately, I’ve been using them more sparingly, microdosing when the occasion fits and taking slightly larger doses a few times a year if I feel stuck or have a specific intention to connect on a deeper level to someone or something. For more about the neuroscience of Psychedelics check out my lecture below.

Sexuality – Growing up Queer in the oppressive homophobic orthodox Jewish structure meant dealing with a lot of internalized shame, especially around masturbation. In the last few months, I’ve been focused on a systematic upgrade of my ability to access my own pleasure, and I’m delighted at the results. The book Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Maree Brown has helped me put my struggles to access self-pleasure into a larger societal context. Taking time to give myself a mid-day orgasm isn’t self-indulgence, it’s fighting 10000 years of patriarchy. It’s the fastest, cheapest way to improve my health and well-being.

Polyamory – I’ve never been monogamous, and having deep intimate, loving, and sexual connections with multiple partners is a great way to increase novelty and growth in life. I would recommend having at least one partner that is significantly younger as a great anti-aging practice. I’ve recently fallen in love quite surprisingly with a new person and it’s amazing to feel the new relationship energy, the excitement and growth that this new love is bringing into my life as I turn 40. It’s also incredibly amazing to feel the support and compersion my existing loving partners, and bring in some of the new sexual creativity from this budding connection into established connections.

Clitoris – my path to orgasm – I’ve known that the clitoris is actually a complex organ for a while now but until recently I didn’t fully understand its relationship to my pelvis or have a model around how it was connected to my orgasm. Besides the gland, which is the tip of the clit, most books will talk about, the clit has two other parts that are called crus, each going behind the pelvic bone. Each of these crus have a nerve ending that connects to it. I’ve always known that the doorway to my orgasm is somehow connected to contracting my thighs, but recently, I realized that I was actually indirectly stimulating the Posterior Femoral Cutaneous Nerve. I’ve learnt these nerve endings can be stimulated directly with external or internal touch or even by contracting muscles surrounding the clit. The imagery I have is of my clit being like a triangle and contracting both clit crus around the vaginal opening as if I’m trying to bring them together. Doing this greatly increases the ease and frequency that I’m able to orgasm. Orgasm contractions are around 0.8 hz (Source) so I have a theory that external stimulation at that frequency could induce an orgasm. More experiments to follow.

An annotated model of the clitoris from this 3D medical app.

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